So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
