That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
