I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
