Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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