HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
