Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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