You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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