took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize