I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
