Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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