Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
