I hate all girls vehemently.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
