I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
