and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize