theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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