My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
