he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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