Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
