you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
