Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
