I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
