I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
