Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
