Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
