I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
