I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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