what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
