it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
