Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
