I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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