THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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