I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When did angry sex become our thing?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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