um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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