His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
