The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
