Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
