just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
