y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
