Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
