you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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