I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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