She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
