All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
