call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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