We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm really busy with my period
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