I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
