so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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