I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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