I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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