you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
