I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
