You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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