Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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