Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize