sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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