she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
