I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
