You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my liver is dry heaving
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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