If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
