Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
